My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
