Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
