I need to stop coming to work sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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