are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
