Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
