do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's like a pop up book from hell.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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