He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
