Just cropdusted the office
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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