Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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