why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
