I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
