My first STD was from a foam party
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
