sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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