K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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