thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
