Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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