Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
