You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
