Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
