david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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