just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
