You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
