Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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