I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
