Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
