Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
