I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
