I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
