So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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