i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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