i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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