Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
