im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
