Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
