tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
