Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
