How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
