I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
