this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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