worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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