You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
