Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
