she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
