Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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