ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
