haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
