i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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