She said her name was "party"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
