Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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