DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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