I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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