there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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